


Steps

by Pachitastic



Series: Bees, Empathy, Telepathy [9]
Category: Tokyo Demons Series - Lianne Sentar
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, M/M, Multi, OT3
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-02
Updated: 2016-02-02
Packaged: 2018-05-17 17:52:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,514
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5880148
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pachitastic/pseuds/Pachitastic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Just one step at a time-- that's all you can do. Drabbles focusing on Kadoyuki in the years after the events of Tokyo Demons. This is entirely based off of my headcanon OT3 universe. Assume spoilers for everything and TW for implied/mentioned rape. Feedback is welcomed and encouraged.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. One Step Forward

Apprehension and nerves-- when Kadoyuki touched his fingertips to Sachi’s skin, there were a dozen feelings that welled up at once, most of them negative. Sachi flinched before steadying himself, looking away guiltily.

“S-Sorry.”

“It’s okay.” Kadoyuki steadied himself, lightly pressing his fingertips into Sachi’s chest. Soft-- more fat, no hardened muscle. There were no pitch veins circling  his heart, just soft, mostly clear, skin. 

This was  _ Sachi. _

Kadoyuki ran his fingers further down Sachi’s bare chest, avoiding his nipples. The goals of this weren’t meant to be sexual-- not  _ yet _ anyway. Sachi’s thoughts were all over the place, and maybe it was because Kadoyuki was as anxious as he was, but any accidental thoughts or sparks of sexual interest faded in an instant. 

He didn’t really want Sachi to feel his anxiety like this, but moreso, he didn’t want to deal with the awkward apologies that came with Sachi getting turned on. It was better this way. 

It was a slow process-- Kadoyuki memorizing all the details he could of Sachi’s body, making little notes of what was different from Touya’s.  _ Touya _ made him sick.  _ Touya _ filled him with revulsion. Kadoyuki didn’t want to be afraid of Sachi’s touch-- he didn’t want to have internal conflict about being closer to Sachi in the physical sense, instead of sitting at opposite ends of the couch and listening to Sachi try to beat down his thoughts of longing. 

Sachi didn’t feel like Touya-- he was soft, gentle, his skin wasn’t laced with poison. Sachi wouldn’t hurt him-- never  _ had _ hurt him. Scared him maybe, but not on purpose. 

Sachi’s body was nothing like Touya’s-- maybe Sachi had little flickering bits of insecurity about his weight, but Kadoyuki  _ much _ preferred that. The more distance he could put between Sachi and Touya, the better. He refused to let his mind stay focused on the fact that they were both men. 

_ K-Kado… _

Flickers of anger and hurt-- regret and other bad memories-- ran through Sachi’s head. Kadoyuki looked down and saw Sachi’s hands trembling. He drew his hands back from Sachi’s chest, wishing he hadn’t got caught up in feeling so much.

“Sorry, Sachi...”

That was enough for today.


	2. Ice Cream & Homesickness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Less ice cream = less vomit

From the first time he had heard her thoughts, Ayase had always been… easier to handle, in a sense. Her thoughts were quiet-- a bit anxious, but not without reason. As he slowly got to know her, he would hear her anger, frustration and fear, but it was always wrapped in a protective desire. She didn’t want to attack people with her insects for the sport of it-- she wanted to protect the people she cared about. She wasn’t sadistic.

Rarely was her rage directed at a single person, and never was it about something petty. She didn’t fly off the handle over nothing, and she didn’t have pointless angry outbursts. 

It was easier to feel safe with her. 

When she came home and found the freezer devoid of ice cream, he was happy to go out with her to get more. He grabbed his headphones and put them on, but didn’t turn on any music. It was enough to mute a lot of the voices, but not so much that he couldn’t hear her when she spoke up. 

“How are things?” She asked, her voice muffled. His first instinct was to lie and say things were definitely fine, or just shrug her question off, but he was trying to get better about communicating-- being less obscure. He wasn’t  _ great _ at it, and he didn’t expect he ever would be, but he could do better than a noncommittal shrug. 

“Okay, kind of.” He thought about it a moment, “Slow going. Bad, sometimes.”

Was that enough?

She was quiet for a long moment.

“Would it help if I were around more or would that just make things worse?”

Kadoyuki was silent as they walked into the small grocery store, Ayase grabbing a basket as they headed straight for the freezers. Did he want her around more? Would that make things less tense? He definitely missed her-- Sachi missed her too. Maybe Sachi wouldn’t be so lonely… 

The store was mostly empty, so he pulled his headphones down, letting them rest around his neck. Ayase held up a small tub of strawberry ice cream.

“Do you still like the small ones?”

He nodded, thoughts flickering back to unpleasant memories of eating one of the rectangular boxes of ice cream by himself and vomiting it back up. With the smaller tubs, it was easier to tell himself that that alone was enough. 

Ayase handed him the basket, picking up one small tub at a time, checking the expiry and either putting it back or popping it in the basket.

When the basket was half full, he spoke up.

“I- I would like it if you were around more.”

It was hard to tell himself that he was allowed to want things. 

She looked around quickly and then stood on the edge of the freezer, reaching into the back for the last tub of chocolate brownie fudge and dropping it into the basket. They moved on, Ayase stopping for some frozen mochi. By the time they were done, Kadoyuki thought his arms were going to fall off. 

Mercifully, Ayase took the basket back, unphased by its weight. 

“I can try to be around more-- I don’t see why I can’t have a little vacation, or do more local missions.”

Kadoyuki couldn’t help but smile. 


	3. Sweet Control

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Smut is impossible to write, but what matters is that this is explicitly Ayase/Kado. NSFW.

There wasn’t the same process with Ayase as there was with Sachi-- Kadoyuki was comfortable touching her, and she didn’t hear any of his thoughts or feel any emotional feedback, so his flickers of panic and fear didn’t hinder things. He needed that-- he needed to be able to push past the little bits of fear and not stop when something went wrong. 

He was pretty sure that Ayase being a woman also made this whole thing easier-- there were less flickers of panic to start with.

Kadoyuki was curious-- about her, about himself. Could he do it? Could he handle this? 

She looked up at him, his knees on either side of her hips, no skin touching-- yet. 

“Kadoyuki?”

_ It’s okay. Are you okay?  _

_ Do you want me…? _

_ Do you feel safe with me? _

He leaned down, kissing her forehead-- her cheeks-- her lips. He didn’t wholly know what he was doing at that point, but Ayase gently lead the kiss, her fingertips stroking his cheeks. 

_ Kadoyuki… _

He didn’t hate his name so much when she or Sachi said it. There were no ties in their thoughts to him being a tool or a weapon. Kadoyuki was simply his name, nothing more. 

She was submissive beneath him-- he was in control. Without realizing it, she had given him something he desperately needed. 

His touches were slow and cautious, but he was encouraged by her sounds-- her soft moans and begging thoughts. 

He sat up a bit, pushing her shirt up over her breasts, but pausing when he came to her bra. It  _ looked _ like it unhooked from the front, but he didn’t know how these worked. 

“What’s wrong?”

“Um…” 

She propped herself up a bit and put two and two together. 

“Watch,” she said, unclipping her bra and letting the cups fall to the side. There wasn’t any mocking or teasing in her thoughts-- just her own embarrassment blossoming to the surface again. He had heard her body insecurities echo in her mind, and though they seemed to have lessened, he could see why they might return-- after all, he’d never seen her naked like  _ this _ before. Nudity was one thing, nudity where her face was flushed and her body was hot and  _ his _ body was hot and his cock was throbbing in his pants was something else entirely. 

He experimentally squeezed one of her breasts, watching her face and listening to her thoughts. Nothing unpleasant, but nothing excited either. She didn’t push him away though, so he tried a little more, playing with her nipple more.

“Kiss me?” she whispered-- a question, an option, a choice, not an order. He obliged, repositioning himself and kissing her, playing with her nipple again and this time, being greeted with a soft moan into his mouth. 

He could do this. He could figure this out. 

She was so soft… 

He put a little distance between them again, straddling her hips and then carefully pulling his shirt off, leaving it on the bed in case he changed his mind. 

He kissed her again.

* * *

 

There was definitely a lot of foreplay-- but Ayase didn’t mind. They took their time. 

He put on a condom, pushed inside her. Her body welcomed his, hot, tight and slick. Her head was full of desperation and begging, and he listened, figuring out how to move in the right ways, not to push too hard into her, avoiding things that weren’t pleasant. 

The control he had over the situation was welcome, and the control he had over her pleasure made his heart pound in his chest.  _ He _ was the one pleasuring her. It was  _ him. _

He liked how she felt against him, but he wasn’t sure what got him off more-- the control or the sex itself. 

“Ayase…” He kissed her, working his hips, pushing deep inside of her. She ran her fingers through his hair, moaning into the kiss as she squeezed around him, her mind falling absolutely silent in that moment. 

The tightening sensation pushed him over the edge and they came to a stop, Kadoyuki carefully pulling out and then flopping onto the mattress beside her. He had wondered briefly if they were going to cuddle after sex, but she made no move to and he  _ really  _ wasn’t interested with how hot he was. His body was sticky with sweat, but he didn’t mind that too much. 

There was a light knock at the door and before Kadoyuki could register what the sound was, the door opened slightly and Sachi peeked in.

“Hey um, I’m going to shower if… no one… needs…” He trailed off, eyes wide. Kadoyuki felt flustered, but not enough to bother pulling a sheet over himself.

“... Or if anyone wants to join me, I guess.” 

Kadoyuki was almost tempted, but he didn’t want to push his luck. He was still mentally in one piece, but he was never sure how long that would last. 

He sat up on the bed, wondering exactly how daring he was feeling. If he did, it’s not like that meant anything was going to happen, right? Sachi’s thoughts were bouncing back and forth between hoping Kadoyuki would and trying to reassure him that he definitely absolutely  _ wasn’t _ interested in that.

“Next time, maybe.” Kadoyuki finally said, giving Sachi a bit of a smile. Sachi seemed content with this. 

As he left, Kadoyuki fell back onto the mattress. Overwhelmed by exhaustion, he closed his eyes. That hadn’t been bad. He had liked that-- it felt good and it felt like progress. There wasn’t any panic threatening to overwhelm him, or memories prepared to overtake him. 

Today had been a good day.


	4. Numb Comfort

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sitting naked in a bathtub with your boyfriend seems like a reasonable plan.

There was barely room for two people, but Kadoyuki and Sachi sat squished in the floor of the shower, feet touching, water pouring down on them. It was one of the days where Kadoyuki felt like he couldn’t get clean enough, but he didn’t want to be alone with his panic and thoughts either. 

_ Kado… _

_ You’re really beautiful, Kado… _

The thoughts broke away nothing as Sachi shook his head, trying to disperse them. 

“Do you forget I can hear your thoughts?”

“I can’t just stop thinking, but I don’t want you to be uncomfortable…” 

Old memories, lingering fears.

Kadoyuki sighed.

“You don’t make me uncomfortable, Sachi.”

_ But what if I do? _

“I’ll tell you.” 

Sachi jerked a bit, rubbing his temples, trying to empty his head again, “That’s startling…” He murmured. 

“Sorry.”

They fell into silence again. The tight, clean, space was comforting. Kadoyuki ran his foot along Sachi’s leg, trying to keep himself anchored here, in the present. He didn’t want to drift into the past. Drifting into thoughts of the future didn’t really scare him-- even on his worst days, the future’s infinite possibilities never left him  _ alone. _ He could be afraid that Sachi would be sick of his shit and leave, but no matter how often he looked, that was never the case. 

The past though-- the past would envelope him and drown him until he snapped out of it, sweaty and shaking and usually covered in scratched of his own doing. 

“You touch me a lot these days-- does it help?” Sachi asked, curious but not prying. 

Kadoyuki pressed his leg against Sachi’s, nodding a bit.

“It does.” He said, looking Sachi up and down, reminding himself of the important details, “I remind myself that you’re you and that you’re not Touya.” 

Kadoyuki sighed softly, fairly certain he was dissociating a bit right now. He felt beyond emotions, and judging by Sachi’s concerned thoughts, he wasn’t emanating much either. 

So taking advantage of the numb feeling, he continued. Sachi always wanted to know these things, didn’t he? He would never vocalize his thoughts, so Kadoyuki wouldn’t call him on them, but he knew it was on his boyfriend’s mind. 

“... I didn’t mean to snap at you when you mentioned working out,” Kadoyuki continued, trying not to dwell on the month old memory,  “It’s just… I like you better this way. I don’t know if I could touch you if you were muscular like Touya.”

“Oh.” Sachi stared at the bottom of the tub, slowly processing that.

“It’s probably not fair to put on--”   


“No! No, it’s fine, it’s okay.” Sachi smiled gently, “It doesn’t bother me. I mean, I think this is what my body’s going to be like. I don’t have all those growth hormones to burn off all the fat again.” he chuckled a bit, “I can still find clothes that fit at the store, and I’m comfortable for the most part, so if  _ you _ like my body, then that’s even better!”

Kadoyuki laughed a bit, running his toes along Sachi’s leg at some attempt of affection. It was easy to remember why he loved Sachi-- well, it was a lot of things, but his infectious happiness was definitely part of it. 

“Thank you for sitting with me.” Kadoyuki flexed his fingers experimentally, wondering exactly how far gone he was.

“Kado…? You feel… off…”

“... I’m not all here, no. Parts of me are elsewhere.”

Sachi cautiously reached out, touching Kadoyuki’s foot with his index finger, Kadoyuki’s toes curling after a moment in response. 

“You don’t really feel this right now, do you?”

“Not really.”

Sachi rested his hand back in his lap, “Is there anything I can do? You said you felt like you needed a shower but then we’ve just been sitting in here. I could… I don’t know… wash your back or something. Or we could get out, get ice cream… anything, really.”

“... Ice cream sounds nice…”


End file.
